i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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