why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
