Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
