Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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