She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When did we convert life to cartoon?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
