I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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