Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
