Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
