He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
