So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
