Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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