So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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