That's intense
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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