She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
