You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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