and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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