so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
