this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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