Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
