that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
