last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
