Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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