YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
