i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
