Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
