Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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