My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
