I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
