Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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