she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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