I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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