Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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