If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
