please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
