but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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