Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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