so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
