Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
