Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
