i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
