Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
