Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
