at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
