I think im going to throw up on grandma
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
