They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
