Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
