Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
