We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
