How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
