goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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