please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
