Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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