Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
